there's so much makeup work that i have to do. i need some lots of catching up to do. i had way too many absent days this year.
june 3-4: finals
june 6: baccalaureate
june 9: senior checkout
june 10: senior breakfast
june 11: graduation & grad night
and after that is finally done and over with, this heavy lead of stress will be lifted off of my shoulders. this summer should be good.
september 17: BLINK 182, WEEZER, TBS
thank you carlos and nicole for praying for me haaa.
work in one hour. i'm looking forward to the outcome of tomorrow's check :)
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Thursday, May 28, 2009
bite my tongue
i really wish i would sometimes. suck it up and take it in. probably the best advice i've given myself. i can't believe my parents. i'm "out of control"... O_o what the heck. i understand if they were saying that about briana 2 years ago. but they're not. these thoughts have been playing a stupid game of tug-of-war in my head for far too long. i say everything that's bothering me, with hopes that they will make the slightest attempt to at least consider making this change for me... but when they make it quite clear that my opinion means no difference to them, i can't help but to take it all back. i would much rather pretend i don't care. as if i would be fine and dandy on my own. after all, i am seventeen years old with a crappy minimum wage part-time job. oh yea. i will MOST DEFINITELY be a-okay.
who am i kidding?
with thirteen days left til graduation, i am stressing the fuck out. college can kiss my ass. november 30th, please stay as far away from me as you possibly can. fuck life. it sucks me dry and leaves me with nothing left to give. nothing to offer. i have an idea of what i want to be when i'm older. what i want to get myself into. but i feel as if i have no sense of "want". is this what i want? i have no idea what i want. not anymore. i wish i can make it out in the real world right off the bat. straight out of high school. i'm tired of this learning crap. i hate having my parents breathe down my neck with every little thing i do. this may sound extremely idiotic cause yea, i know, they're my parents and they know what's best for me but down in the depths of my mind i'm thinking of blurting out to them:
leave me the fuck alone.
let me live my life as i please.
i know what i'm doing.
no way in hell do i know what i'm doing. she's naive. childish. grow the fuck up. i remind her on a constant basis. God i'm such a bitch. i'm not one to talk. sometimes i feel like i'm doing the parenting around here. i shouldn't have these feelings. i should be grateful for all that i have been given, for all that God has blessed me with. God has blessed me with a loving family, awesome friends, and an amazing boyfriend. so why on earth am i so unsatisfied? why do i feel like my parents are continually nagging? rewind: they do it because they care.
i'm stupid. life's tiring and my finger might be sprained.
who am i kidding?
with thirteen days left til graduation, i am stressing the fuck out. college can kiss my ass. november 30th, please stay as far away from me as you possibly can. fuck life. it sucks me dry and leaves me with nothing left to give. nothing to offer. i have an idea of what i want to be when i'm older. what i want to get myself into. but i feel as if i have no sense of "want". is this what i want? i have no idea what i want. not anymore. i wish i can make it out in the real world right off the bat. straight out of high school. i'm tired of this learning crap. i hate having my parents breathe down my neck with every little thing i do. this may sound extremely idiotic cause yea, i know, they're my parents and they know what's best for me but down in the depths of my mind i'm thinking of blurting out to them:
leave me the fuck alone.
let me live my life as i please.
i know what i'm doing.
no way in hell do i know what i'm doing. she's naive. childish. grow the fuck up. i remind her on a constant basis. God i'm such a bitch. i'm not one to talk. sometimes i feel like i'm doing the parenting around here. i shouldn't have these feelings. i should be grateful for all that i have been given, for all that God has blessed me with. God has blessed me with a loving family, awesome friends, and an amazing boyfriend. so why on earth am i so unsatisfied? why do i feel like my parents are continually nagging? rewind: they do it because they care.
i'm stupid. life's tiring and my finger might be sprained.
Thursday, May 21, 2009
last night
yea, my body's sore from dancing in one spot to no doubt tunes.
bakersfield is fucking gay. i spy with my little eye: bro hoes invading rabobank. what the fuck is wrong with everyone?! showing up to a concert looking like you're about to go to the heist. the human race continues to surprise me. as much as i loved last nights lineup, i couldn't help but feel insanely aggravated at the weak crowd. security sucks. kicked us out when we were just trying to get a better view. watching the crowd from two floors up i kept thinking to myself:
damn i wish i was down there.
if only i was down there.
but then again, i would've spent over two hundred smackeroos just to stand around and bob my head. we got crazier in danielle's blue scion on the way to the concert compared to the people that paid a shitload for their top notch tickets. no crowd surfing. no nothing. bakersfield... what's wrong with you?!
people are idiots. it would've been a completely different environment if we ended up getting tickets to see no doubt in LA instead. for sure parking wouldn't have been as cheap in LA as it was in bakersfield, but idontcareeeee.
i hate it because i KNOW each and every blink concert is going to be held in huge stadiums. but that only inspires me to ask roxana and said to give me more hours, i have until may 27th, if i'm lucky, to try to pull together another hundred or so.
determined, oh so determined.
done bitching; off to hang out with christian.
bakersfield is fucking gay. i spy with my little eye: bro hoes invading rabobank. what the fuck is wrong with everyone?! showing up to a concert looking like you're about to go to the heist. the human race continues to surprise me. as much as i loved last nights lineup, i couldn't help but feel insanely aggravated at the weak crowd. security sucks. kicked us out when we were just trying to get a better view. watching the crowd from two floors up i kept thinking to myself:
damn i wish i was down there.
if only i was down there.
but then again, i would've spent over two hundred smackeroos just to stand around and bob my head. we got crazier in danielle's blue scion on the way to the concert compared to the people that paid a shitload for their top notch tickets. no crowd surfing. no nothing. bakersfield... what's wrong with you?!
people are idiots. it would've been a completely different environment if we ended up getting tickets to see no doubt in LA instead. for sure parking wouldn't have been as cheap in LA as it was in bakersfield, but idontcareeeee.
i hate it because i KNOW each and every blink concert is going to be held in huge stadiums. but that only inspires me to ask roxana and said to give me more hours, i have until may 27th, if i'm lucky, to try to pull together another hundred or so.
determined, oh so determined.
done bitching; off to hang out with christian.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
up UP up
yet no complaints. shocking, i know.
why is it that i would much rather have my eyes feel irritant and see a blurry screen instead of simply getting up to snatch my glasses out of their cheetah printed case?
one word: lazy.
God, i'm so fucking lazy.
it's moments like these when i wish i can just pick up my phone and dial out christian's number. not because i'm bored. but because i want to talk to him one last time before i fall asleep and dream the night away. i want his voice to put me to sleep. ai my boyfriend needs a cell phone. or at least a phone in HIS house. ha. this sucks. why do i miss him already?
oprah was good today. i was so amazed by the childrens' musical talents. i wish i could play the piano as they did. i wish i could sing as she does. so envious. musically talented? negative. i sing like shit. but i can really care less; i sing at the top of my lungs either way. i sing in the civic along to UNhxc tunes, angering christian and "forcing" him to put on some band that i have never heard of. jerky boyfriend. i know he secretly loves my singing :P
superkarma; sweet sweet music to my ears. beautiful melodies.
rewind to 7 eleven with christian and angelina.
la la la la la
la la la la la
la la la la la la la la la lala
do do do do do do
ahhhhhhhhhhh
hahahah.
reminds me of way back when me and jazmin would walk from the mall back to my home.
"i believe i can fly"
goodtimes.
miss those times.
bring back those times.
miles away.
you're more beautiful than ever
miles, miles away
the walls are always speaking; i've nothing to say.
no want no want no want no speaking at all
why is it that i would much rather have my eyes feel irritant and see a blurry screen instead of simply getting up to snatch my glasses out of their cheetah printed case?
one word: lazy.
God, i'm so fucking lazy.
it's moments like these when i wish i can just pick up my phone and dial out christian's number. not because i'm bored. but because i want to talk to him one last time before i fall asleep and dream the night away. i want his voice to put me to sleep. ai my boyfriend needs a cell phone. or at least a phone in HIS house. ha. this sucks. why do i miss him already?
oprah was good today. i was so amazed by the childrens' musical talents. i wish i could play the piano as they did. i wish i could sing as she does. so envious. musically talented? negative. i sing like shit. but i can really care less; i sing at the top of my lungs either way. i sing in the civic along to UNhxc tunes, angering christian and "forcing" him to put on some band that i have never heard of. jerky boyfriend. i know he secretly loves my singing :P
superkarma; sweet sweet music to my ears. beautiful melodies.
rewind to 7 eleven with christian and angelina.
la la la la la
la la la la la
la la la la la la la la la lala
do do do do do do
ahhhhhhhhhhh
hahahah.
reminds me of way back when me and jazmin would walk from the mall back to my home.
"i believe i can fly"
goodtimes.
miss those times.
bring back those times.
miles away.
you're more beautiful than ever
miles, miles away
the walls are always speaking; i've nothing to say.
no want no want no want no speaking at all
Monday, May 18, 2009
madly
i truly am satisfied with the way my life has been heading.
i'm in love.
i'm so in love.
oh,i'm in love.
work tomorrow night.yesss, closing! gotta get that cash money. wednesday, NO DOUBT IS FINALLY FUCKING HERE. not to mention i will also get to see paramore and the sounds. talk about orgasmic. these riblets are delish. coca cola in its' original form always seems to taste better than usual. in a glass bottle, yum! this is the third time i attempt to watch rent. but i am mos def going to finish this flm this time. what is up with my infatuation with musicals? chicago is still my all-time favorite.
the only way out is up.
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