i really wish i would sometimes. suck it up and take it in. probably the best advice i've given myself. i can't believe my parents. i'm "out of control"... O_o what the heck. i understand if they were saying that about briana 2 years ago. but they're not. these thoughts have been playing a stupid game of tug-of-war in my head for far too long. i say everything that's bothering me, with hopes that they will make the slightest attempt to at least consider making this change for me... but when they make it quite clear that my opinion means no difference to them, i can't help but to take it all back. i would much rather pretend i don't care. as if i would be fine and dandy on my own. after all, i am seventeen years old with a crappy minimum wage part-time job. oh yea. i will MOST DEFINITELY be a-okay.
who am i kidding?
with thirteen days left til graduation, i am stressing the fuck out. college can kiss my ass. november 30th, please stay as far away from me as you possibly can. fuck life. it sucks me dry and leaves me with nothing left to give. nothing to offer. i have an idea of what i want to be when i'm older. what i want to get myself into. but i feel as if i have no sense of "want". is this what i want? i have no idea what i want. not anymore. i wish i can make it out in the real world right off the bat. straight out of high school. i'm tired of this learning crap. i hate having my parents breathe down my neck with every little thing i do. this may sound extremely idiotic cause yea, i know, they're my parents and they know what's best for me but down in the depths of my mind i'm thinking of blurting out to them:
leave me the fuck alone.
let me live my life as i please.
i know what i'm doing.
no way in hell do i know what i'm doing. she's naive. childish. grow the fuck up. i remind her on a constant basis. God i'm such a bitch. i'm not one to talk. sometimes i feel like i'm doing the parenting around here. i shouldn't have these feelings. i should be grateful for all that i have been given, for all that God has blessed me with. God has blessed me with a loving family, awesome friends, and an amazing boyfriend. so why on earth am i so unsatisfied? why do i feel like my parents are continually nagging? rewind: they do it because they care.
i'm stupid. life's tiring and my finger might be sprained.
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