i'm tired and i'm angry and i just want to scream at the fucking top of my lungs. it's been a while since i've been this stressed out. i haven't had a cry this good in such a long time. i feel like shit but, boy does it feel fucking great to let it all out. thank god i'm actually home alone for once. but i don't wanna be alone right now. i feel so lonely. too lonely. i feel so small. i feel like this shouldn't matter but no, everything matters. every little thing matters to me right now. this big room with no space. this house is filled up from door to door. i've no room to breathe. i need a fucking breather. i need to get the fuck away. from school, "home", everyone i know. i feel smothered for some reason. chills keep running down my spine and up my arms. my eyes feel so goddamn heavy. i'm exhausted. a bit scared. extremely lost. i feel like a child all over again. i want my mom to hold me and tell me that everything's going to be alright. but it was much more believable back then. i know better now, and i also know that she would be full of shit if she were to say that to me now. i look around and i know it's not gonna be okay. not anytime soon at least.
my mind isn't the only thing that's a mess.
i don't think we're anything close to being 100% there this time. so many expectations that are never met. so many ambitions that are yet to be reached. i'm tired & ready for a nap.
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